Coming Soon to a Theater Near You...

Photo by Usry Alleyne
Welcome to the blog-site for The Survival Pages !
You'll find all the entries here for the conceptualization and development of this performance, originally created in 2007 for the Naked Stages Program.

The Fringe Festival.

Ah, I question a bit, why I felt so compelled to get this show into the Fringe. The Minnesota Fringe is a scene unto itself-- with over 400 shows across the Twin Cities area over the course of 2 weeks, all vying to get audiences to choose their show over someone else's...

Still, I received so much positive feedback about this performance from audience members who came to the November 2007 debut of this solo show... it seemed a shame to let the nine months of labor boil down to a single weekend, with no returns. So, I've thrown myself into this chaotic Fringe-soup to see what will become of it.

How you can help! (Yes, I need help! -- I've figured out that I need at least 150-200 people to come see this show, just to earn back what I've put into it cost-wise!)

• Come! And bring friends!
• Spread the word (especially if you've seen this show or other work of mine & believe in it enough to vouch for it!)
• Write an audience review on the Fringe website (www.fringefestival.org)... there's this "star-rating" system, which most Fringe-goers rely upon to see whether a show is worth going to, in other audience members' opinions.

This performance is a direct and poetic response to all the ecological doomsday countdown we have entered into. It is not so much an effort to inform as it is to feel my own way through the blaring sirens of environmental emergency. It's not your typical Fringe show (if there is such a thing as a "typical Fringe show"...) in that there's not slick sarcasm, non-stop laughs, or charged sexual content... (all the things I've been told "sell" well in a Fringe context). Basically, this show is an attempt to create the kind of show that I wish to see, when I go out for an evening of performance-- a piece that is honest, from the heart, with elements I can recognize from my own life, and that is visually/thematically ripe and juicy.

Beyond getting "Star" ratings, I'm burning with curiosity to know your response & connection to the piece-- so please do consider adding your 2 cents to the Fringe-website's audience review, once the show is up and running!

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I've created a short 5-minute preview of the show (check out the link on this page, titled "Survival Pages Preview"). If you're curious about other aspects of my work, I'm about to get my own web-page at www.artsbymalia.com (It should be done by the time the show opens...)

Thanks for visiting this blog, and do browse the other postings on this blog to read more about my thoughts and process in the creation of this piece.





PS. Al Gore recently gave an inspirational speech on restructuring US energy policy, now on YouTube-- I highly recommend checking it out! (click on the link, on the right of this page)

To the Southwest and Back Again...

This is a photo from a short Butoh Dance on the Great Sand Dunes of Colorado.

(If you want to wreak a video camera, bringing it to a place like this is a good way to do it!)

In April, I went on a 3-week road trip with a friend to the Southwest.

If you have never been there before, go... I can't believe it has taken me so long to witness, in person, the gorgeous wildness that exists there.

Some prominent discoveries:
Earthships, a self-reliant, earth-based structure made of old tires, glass bottles, and aluminum cans-- in Taos, New Mexico. I want to live in one someday!

The Hopi Prophecy. As told by Grandfather Martin, the prophecy-keeper. Information which will rattle you to your core. They speak of the coming environmental disasters as "The Great Purification." Even more eye-opening to discover that the prophecies had foretold the coming of the Spanish conquistadors, both World Wars, and the landing of the "Eagle on the Moon"--

Wise Fool New Mexico. A (mostly) female troupe of stilters, aerialists, puppeteers and community artists. Hooray for new connections! They just came to Minneapolis, to perform their piece, "Flexion", which is touring the US. (info not necessarily as pertinent to the The Survival Pages as it is to my other artistic side with Chicks on Sticks and festival arts!)

White Sands National Monument. Where else can you see people sledding in New Mexico, over fields which bombers practice raids by night? Where else can you see a sunset perfectly reflected over miles of powdered crystals? A magic, magic place.

Hot Springs! Need I say more?

Other than a sharing a bit about this trip, I mainly wanted to post the fact that I now have dates for the Minnesota Fringe Festival performances of The Survival Pages at Intermedia Arts, 2822 Lyndale Ave S.... so mark your calendars now! They are:

July 31, 8:30pm
Saturday, Aug 2, 4pm
Sunday, Aug 3, 1pm
Tues, Aug 5, 8:30pm
and Friday, Aug 8, 7pm

And tell your friends!
(The Fringe Show relies on buzz to get any kind of attendance! I've heard it takes people hearing about a show from at least 3 different sources before they will consider going. Word of mouth goes a long way!)

Thanks! And I'll be writing more soon.

The Culture Pages-- a new performance?

What if culture followed the same patterns as nature?
What if "Roots" were more than a metaphor-- and actually describe the process by which culture holds fast to certain things, uproots itself from others, experiments and adopts change?

A few weeks ago, I went to the same cabin where "The Survival Pages" was first born...
Early February, midpoint between winter solstice and spring equinox, is a natural time to begin incubating new ideas... germinating seeds that I'll transplant later into my garden of current projects. And so, I found the first stirrings of a sequel performance: "The Culture Pages."

In my original proposal for the Naked Stages Program, my piece was to be titled "Bridges" (this was nearly a year before the 35W bridge collapse). What I intended to explore was twofold: connections between humans and nature, and connections between cultures & generations. I soon realized that the original idea was too broad-- so I narrowed it down to focus on my own, personal connection to nature. This is what became "The Survival Pages."

With "The Culture Pages" (if that's the name I'll actually use), I'd like to take up the second half of what "Bridges" had meant to explore: A look at culture, in a broad sense-- what we once knew about how to survive, and how that information has shifted so dramatically in recent generations. If the culture I now belong to is a tree, just what is it that I'm rooted to? Am I some pampered breed of hydroponic tomato, grown without real dirt, too delicate to survive a harsh Minnesota winter? How many of my great-grandparents' skills -- making a living from the land-- have been lost, and why?

So, more on this soon...
I have to go get ready for the next circus show at Heart of the Beast... (see "Dirt & Water", below, for more info on that)

I'm definitely looking for a new venue/grant money to develop and produce "The Culture Pages"-- so if you have any leads for me, do send me a comment!

PS. I'm in the Minnesota Fringe Festival! So "The Survival Pages" will be coming again this summer, dates and venue To Be Announced! (Late July/Early August).

Dirt & Water...

If there's any readers still out there, I thought I would share my favorite photo from the Survival Pages. And just to keep you informed, I am throwing my hat into the ring for the Fringe Festival this August-- to perform The Survival Pages again. Wish me luck!

(Photo by Usry Alleyne)

In the meantime, I'll be appearing again soon -- with a persona not too different from my "Dirt-Nature-Host" side, but this time advocating the wonders of water as a circus clown in a new show, "Beneath the Surface" at In the Heart of the Beast Puppet and Mask Theater. (check out www.hobt.org for info...) Opens Feb 22 & runs through March 16. (Pay as able shows on Thurs. evenings)

This show is also known as "The Water Show/ Episode II" to those working at the puppet theater -- since this is the second in a series of work about water.
photo by Bruce Silcox
If you know any school groups (or other friends) who might be interested in a Puppety-Circus Show about the Minneapolis Water Works vs Bottled Water, or the importance of the Mississippi Watershed, or learning about what we can do do reduce pollution in our waterways, please help us spread the word!
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In other news...

I'm currently reading The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan... It was recommended to me on at least 15 different occasions, and though I'm only halfway through the book I'd have to say that I also wholeheartly advocate all eaters to check it out. Not only does it tease apart the mysteries of the Industrial Food Complex & why the heck Iowa grows so much corn, the chapter I just finished also goes after the "Industrial Organic" model-- mentioning many of the same brands I eat from my local food co-op, and pointing out the VERY lax standards behind the "organic" label and something he terms as "Supermarket Pastoral"-- as a genre of literature. Selling us a story about our food that is a pretty far stretch from the truth. (those sealed plastic bags full of ready-to-go baby greens? Muir Glen canned tomatoes?) I've yet to finish the book, but already I can tell that I'm going to think differently about the amount of processed food I pick up at the co-op. And -- for real this time-- I'm going sign up for a CSA box this summer!

Ugh.

I have to say, I'm disappointed. I feel somewhat betrayed by the food co-ops, for succumbing to the industrial, non-sustainable forces behind this takeover of the term "organic". I feel disappointed in myself, for being so gullible. For believing the story on the package... me, who usually shuns advertisements and their mind-numbing effects. Knowing that I prioritized bargain-shopping specials at the "Big Co-op" (Wedge and Seward) and didn't make a point of supporting North Country Co-op... the first co-op in Minneapolis, and probably one of the last to make a valiant effort to counter the industrial model. (North Country closed in November '07)

It's not that all products in the co-op are "Industrial Organic"-- but reading these chapters in The Omnivore's Dilemma has opened my eyes to the fact that I can't blindly trust the co-op to choose the most sustainable options, and I can't continue to justify that buying anything at the co-op automatically makes it "good/better". I suddenly feel somewhat disgusted at my own self-congratulations (and slight sense of superiority) for not shopping at Cub or Rainbow.

The Co-op Movement has been co-opted, and the Organic Ideal has been capitalized upon.

I resolve to get more of my food locally-- now, not only for the sake of shaving off my contributions to Global Warming when I buy those bananas from Ecuador-- but for the issue of trust. I want to SEE how what I put in my body is raised. I don't want to eat eggs from chickens that are purported to be "free range" but in reality live only marginally better than their caged cousins. I want to go to the farm myself and know the farmer. I want to support the people who actually believe in pioneering ways we can raise our food sustainably.

Sustainably. Michael Pollan writes:

"So is an industrial organic food chain finally a contradiction in terms? It's hard to escape the conclusion that it is. Of course it's possible to live with contradictions, at least for a time, and sometimes it is necessary or worthwhile. But we ought at least face up to the cost of our compromises. The inspiration for organic was to find a way to feed ourselves more in keeping with the logic of nature, to build a food system that looked more like an ecosystem that would draw its fertility and energy from the sun. To feed ourselves otherwise was "unsustainable," a word that's been so abused we're apt to forget what it very specifically means: Sooner or later it must collapse."

Some thoughts stick with me, since finishing "The Survival Pages"--
Yoko Ono stating that "In the course of survival, we don't have the luxury to be negative. Being negative, that is a luxury that we can't afford."
and,
Sweet Honey in the Rock's song, "Battered Earth" -- "If the earth could crawl away... she'd be fighting for her life, fighting for her blessed life."

I think "The Survival Pages", in the end, was less about "inspire others to protect the environment" as it was an exploration into my own contradictions. And the conflict within myself-- what I read in the news and my own actions or lack of action. The desire to transform. But I wonder at myself. Why am I not fighting, as though I were fighting for my life, for the earth's life? I think back on all the people's movements I've read about in "A People's History of the United States" by Howard Zinn: in it, he said something to the effect of : Never, throughout history, have the privileged willingly relinquished their power-- in each case, it's been fought for, and any victories have been hard-won.

When I think about it in one way, I am the oppressor. And nature -- all its creatures, all its systems -- is the downtrodden one. You know that famous Lorax, "We speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues." If nature were able to hire a lawyer, we'd be hard-pressed to dispute the evidence. My fingerprints are all over this case.

But when I think of it another way, I look at the immense grinding wheel that seems so unstoppable. I realize that there is ultimately little difference in grinding over the trees and what they represent-- and grinding over me. It may take a few generations, but I-- the universal human&non-human "I" -- have been chewed up and spit into bits over the carpet of those driving this thing. (Who is me, and you, and all us who really ought to mobilize our tongues, our bodies, and all of our will toward throwing a wrench in this thing before it mows over us all).

I am the privileged, reluctant to relinquish my power.
I LIKE hot baths, dammit. I also love papaya with lime, and travel.

I'm looking over the edge of my armchair. Survival Is Uncomfortable.
No tropical fruit.
Scratching my subsistence from the sun and dirt like every other being here.
Hunger.
Cold.

What big-brained monkey in their right mind would take that leap?

(One with enough imagination, and enough heart, to know that we are already falling, and to jump toward it is only to lighten our landing.)

The Survival Pages, Continued...

Thank You!
To all who came to see & support this new work's emergence!

I'm looking forward to hearing any comments, thoughts, impressions, suggestions, or other feedback you have for me about what you saw!

You can post here by clicking "Post a Comment" or, if you prefer to tell just me directly, you can email me at writetomemaliab@yahoo.com

So,
is it over?
Should you keep coming to this site?
Is there more to come?

No,
and yes,
and yes...

I feel like this journey is only just beginning, in many ways. This whole Naked Stages experience feels like a big liftoff in a new direction in my artistic career... and this blog has been a wonderful place for me to share my process and thoughts with others.

I plan to keep creating, and exploring still further my human relationship with nature, the seasons, and my environment. So yes, keep coming back-- for more poetry, thoughts, work-in-progress, videos, photos, drawings, and more!

And do, do please let me know you're listening! The notes and messages I've received from readers so far have encouraged and inspired me to keep sharing...

Welcome to the journey...

This November 8 - 10, 8pm at Intermedia Arts! call (612) 871-4444 for tickets or more information--

and,

Welcome to the accumulation of 9 months of research, meditation, play, obsession, compulsion, dreaming up, whittling down, focusing in, and putting out this 45 minutes of performance I call The Survival Pages...

Wow. What a journey it's been.

Research: Ishmael, and My Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. Numerous survival manuals. Collapse by Jared Diamond. The Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Ingalls Wilder. Books and books! (I'll have to update this bibliography later)... Conversations, Interviews, and most importantly, regular dates with the seasons and wilder places, to listen for the messages and dig deeper into my relationship with nature.

Meditation: Pages upon pages of journaling, sketches, scripts and descriptions.

Play: This journey wouldn't have been the same without my excellent travel companions-- Theresa, Monica, Tara, Crystalline, Katie, and Eleanor -- the artists, and the program director who were also part of the Naked Stages '07 crew. (that's the program through which this production was created). A fabulous group of women I'm going to miss once this performance is done...
"Play" includes workshops taken as part of Naked Stages, classes in playwriting, found object puppetry, contact improvisation, butoh, road-trips and hours of footage doing all kinds of strange things in remote locations, and right outside my front door. Hours working with mentors Otto Ramstad and Masanari Kawahara, trying out material and getting direction/suggestions. Writing music and recording it-- playing with layers of sound and text, and weaving portions of the piece around piano improvisation. Hours alone in a black theater-box, (which was at times more like torture than play!) brainstorming and working out ideas of how the heck to convey what's been pressing so heavy on my heart. Trying out this way and that to find the one that felt "right"...

Obsession/Compulsion: I can't stop thinking about how messed up and dire our situation is-- with wars (still!) raging, such widespread and overt exploitation of people and places, ever-dwindling resources, marriage of the media to presidential and corporate propaganda, ice-caps melting, oil and water supplies running out, ... I could go on and on. Creating this piece became, in a way, a healthy obsession. It gave me a place to put my emotions and reactions to this news and information... something I could tangibly DO and not feel so stuck.

Dreaming up: This performance also contains pieces of my dream, or my hope, or my survival strategy ("strategy" or "hope" depending on the my state of optimism or dread) As the development for this show wore on, I found myself growing more and more convinced that my soul and spirit would be much happier in a place with more wildness in it. My resolve has deepened, to build a lifestyle that will allow me to bust a move to the country. I don't talk much about this in the show, but it's a layer running through it.

Whittling Down: I swear I have enough material to do 4 or 5 more shows, without overlap! One thing that's helped me let go of favorite elements which weren't fitting is realizing that there's no reason there can't be 4 or 5 more shows... Why not be like "Rocky" or "Friday the 13th"-- Survival Pages VIII, 2015? Still, it's been very difficult to pick and choose and shape the story, and harder yet to squeeze it into the alloted 45 minutes. Maybe I can put some of the out-takes on the DVD version ;-)

Focusing in: These last 2 weeks of rehearsal, especially, has me immersed up to my eyebrows in this world I've created-- and am now living inside. There have been wisely-spaced crunches throughout this process, which have worked out well for me, the procrastinator. I have to say that Masa, my mentor and co-director, has been a tremendous help in this process. Asking questions, pushing me to define meanings and clarify my message. Helping me see that what I think he'll see is not what comes across, or showing me things that I didn't know were there.

Putting out: You'll have to come to my show, and let me know the outcome -- for you -- from joining me on this part of the Survival Pages journey... I'll be waiting to hear from you.

Bones and Moments

(image: Fall Equinox Butoh Exploration, 2007)

It's been awhile since I last posted to this blog... much has happened, most of all that I finally found an overall structure and "arc" to this performance. It's been an intense process... the timing of the Naked Stages program has worked out well, as far as pushing me to work and re-work elements of the show, and to stage 2 complete run-throughs of the piece for an audience. Thanks to those who attended the September 17 pre-show and offered feedback.

The Survival Pages, in this rendition, is very video-oriented. In some ways I think I'm still hesitant about my own abilities as a live performer, and so I've leaned heavier on elements that have been pre-worked and don't depend on my "on"-ness in the moment of presentation. And yet this is a live performance, so....

One of the more challenging elements has been building my confidence as a moving performer, & a dancer. I presented a short 10 -minute dance at the 9x22 Dance Cabaret at Bryant Lake Bowl on Sept. 26... a wonderful venue for showing works-in-progress, and getting valuable feedback from the audience in a structured conversation following the presentation. I'd love to integrate more of my Butoh training into the show, and work up the bravery to attempt this kind of movement onstage.

Digging through my notes from my first Butoh trainings in Yamanashi, Japan, at Min Tanaka's BodyWeather Farm, I rediscovered this succinct definition of Butoh from an interview we had with Nario Goda, a dance reviewer in Japan with particular interest in this form:

Q: What is the main different between Butoh and other forms of dance?
A: "Butoh strives to find the body first, then allow the dance to arise.
Other dance has a form, and tries to make the body fit into it.
Butoh strives to know the body in its own way. You learn to know the details-- when you are sick you know all the small changes in your body. Butoh uses all the details of the body, catching every information as material for dance, for inspiration."

Reaching this level of body-awareness-- let alone "allowing the dance to arise" from it, makes Butoh very difficult to perform. Butoh can certainly be spectacular, and is often imitated by performers who paint themselves white, move slowly, and make strange facial expressions. Yet I often find a quality of concentration that's missing. Other performances I've seen, there's a certain magic that can happen-- I can sense the energy in the room shift-- in witnessing Butoh. There's almost something otherworldly or shamanic about it... The dancer, through their complete focus and absorbed captivation in whatever their body is experiencing, draws me in. As a performer, this level of concentration is what I strive for-- and what is the toughest: any glimpse of self-consciousness, a shift of the eyes, a glimmer of thought about "should" passing through my mind, becomes evident in my body, breaking the energy and throwing off the spell.

A reason many Butoh performers paint their faces and bodies white is similar to having a white canvas-- a blank surface which can become anything. In Butoh, the concept of "self" is secondary. Once I'm not "me", I am free to become a leaf, a bone, a breath. Most important is to believe in what you have become-- I am not showing you, like a mime. I am not self-conscious of the ways that my body is interpreting itself as a leaf or bone or breath. This part is also tough. It's hard to let go so completely, to accept whatever my body does, and present myself with such detachment and acceptance. I find that it helps me detach when I'm painted white, or am somehow less "me" when I dance.

A reason Butoh is often slow is to allow intense concentration it takes... to arrive in that state of mind-body fluidity, and keep it connected. If you lose concentration, just keep still until you find it again. Butoh is a strange merging of the senses with unconscious impulse, channeled through muscle and a body loose enough to really respond to the environment or imagination.


The series of outdoor Butoh explorations I've done throughout the seasons has been grounding and informative. I've been doing these explorations every Solstice/Equinox and in-between seasonal markers, since February. Some of the footage from these will be in the show-- most has been kept as research or inspiration for the piece. I find it much easier to enter into "Butoh-mind" when I'm alone, and when I am in an environment which speaks to me. Often, magic happens.

Most recently, for the Fall Equinox, I brought a deer skull to the edge of the Minnesota River, at the Bloomington Ferry Wildlife Preserve. I usually decide what I'm going to bring, or where I'm going to go, on the day that I set aside to go out and "do Butoh"... That particular day, the skull seemed to be looking at me, so I brought it with. A set of paper-mache antlers I'd made for a MayDay Parade years ago, and a dress with fall colors also came along. When I arrive in a place, I walk through the area until I find a spot that seems to call to me. I'll set up my camera, and depending on what I see, place myself in the frame, and dance/move/react according to what I find and feel.

It was twillight when I set up the video camera in the marshy bottoms of the fall forest. A suburban couple had crossed me on the path on my way to this place, and the man noticed the skull and antlered headdress I was carrying and joked, "Are you going to call the deer?" I suppose I looked like some kind of scary witch-person on my way to conduct a ceremony. (Perhaps I was...)

Alone, I had barely started my dance when across the marsh I heard a strange sneeze. I looked up to see the white flag of a tail bound forward, then lower down as she held still. A doe was watching me through the trees. I was wearing the antlers, moving strangely for a human, and I think she was (rightly) very confused about what she was seeing. I had painted my face to echo the contours of a deer's face. In my hands were two long sticks, which I used as forelegs. I continued to move, and, watching her, absorbed the careful watchfulness, the curiousity, the grace and quietness with which she moved through the trees. For a moment, I was in an interesting place between human and not-human. I felt that we were simply two beings encountering one another, observing each other, sharing this place & time.

It's the kind of feeling that I would love to bring into performance onstage, and perhaps a more advanced Butoh performer would be able to absorb this feeling to re-create it, even removed from this place, this moment. To do this in performance, in front of an audience, feels a little like throwing myself off a cliff and hoping I'll sprout wings. Will I really be able to concentrate? To be in the moment? Am I really in the moment if I'm attempting to invoke a feeling my body had in the past?
























Moments like these
I feel more human, more alive
more spirit, and less "self"

It feels good, to enter
into a place
and encounter it simply
as it is, and as I am

Here, I find
the magic in a place
will show its face...
Here, I find
the magic in me
will rise up to meet it.